Humor is one of the best weapons against those who are trying to insult you. This defense will not only displease your insulter, but it can also make you feel better about yourself.
Insults are difficult to deal with, whether they are intended or unintended. Everyone gets insulted once in a while, but our reactions are what indicate our character. Often, our reaction only makes the situation worse. We think insults damage our reputation and credibility, and so we feel the need to defend ourselves. We might try to redeem ourselves by claiming the accusations are not true, or we may try to negate the damage by throwing the insults back at the insulter.
In both instances, these are bad ways to handle an insult and how we respond to insults can even be harmful to ourselves. Insults provoke our ego to react and defend itself, but even after we throw the insult back, we rarely feel better about ourselves and are still hurt by the initial insult. Rather than rising to the insult, we should realise that insults are nothing more than the badly conducted behavior of individuals.
A Case Study on Wit
When I was watching Game of Thrones, I was particularly interested in the character Tyrion Lannister. He is a witty, practically smart and intelligent character. All those characteristics appear even sharper if we add his height to the equation. In this series, insults are often thrown at Tyrion on account of his height; however, he often reacts to these situations with wit, rather than attacking them in return. There is one quote that has stayed in my memory:
“Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like an armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”
Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones
Although it may seem odd to compare a Game of Thrones character to the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, Tyrion strongly adheres to Stoic principles when it comes to dealing with insults. He not only manages to hold himself together, but he also ridicules those who dare to insult him and attempt to damage his character.
Although Tyrion is a fictional character, I believe Epictetus would be fond of him for his skill at countering insults. Tyrion’s use of wit and his fortitude on these matters would be considered invaluable to Stoic philosophers. Instead of rising to the insult, Tyrion instead rationalizes the insult so it has no impact on him. He uses the subject of these insults – his height – to instead demonstrate the stupidity and vanity of his insulters.
Humor vs. Insults
Now, we will look at how Epictetus would deal with insults and see how his response can help us to overcome the burden of insults. Consider the following advice from Epictetus on how to respond with wit:
“If you learn that someone is speaking ill of you, don’t try to defend yourself against the rumors; respond instead with, “Yes, and he doesn’t know the half of it, because he could have said more.”
Epictetus
When dealing with insults, it is important to not harm our wellbeing in the crossfire of words. We usually take insults too personally. Afterall, we think our image is being attacked. However, when we believe an insult has truth or weight over our character, we in turn damage our own self-esteem. This is why irony is an important tool to defend ourselves with. It helps us to remain calm while being insulted, and at the same time it can allow us to strike back.
We can’t control what others think of us. Even if we are widely considered to be virtuous, someone will still point a finger at us and find something to laugh about. So, it is wise to stop building our reputation on what others think of us and stop worrying about our perceived image. If we are constantly trying to satisfy others, we will lose ourselves along the way. We need to throw that kind of reasoning away. Instead, let’s focus on ourselves, because that is the only thing we can control.
“It is not he who reviles or strikes you who insults you, but your opinion that these things are insulting”
Epictetus
Meditation: How to Deal With Insults
It is normal to feel psychologically injured after you have been the subject of an insult. But, you can improve your condition with few pieces of advice.
When insulted, hold your temper and never return the insult on the same grounds. Rise above it. Second, be aware of your “disadvantages” and turn them into advantages! For example, if someone insults you for being slow, you can reply by saying: “Thank you for noticing, I have been training!” Similarly, if someone laughs at you because of how you dress, you can say: “Clowns are desperately needed in a world full of dull faces…for contrast.”
Remember to stay calm in such situations. The mind won’t work properly if it is clouded by strong emotions. If you are frequently the subject of insults focused on the same topic, perhaps you can take some time now to think of your own comebacks. This way, if someone tries to insult you again, you will be ready to make a mockery of them instead.
