In this article we will discuss why it is important for us to choose good company, as the people we spend time with can influence our personality and behavior.
Humans are social beings and as such, we spend most of our time surrounded by others. We often can’t notice the small changes in our personality when we spend time with certain individuals or groups of people. When spending a lot of time with others, we can change in many ways. We can develop new interests, alter our mindsets, or acquire new traits. These changes can all be positive if we chose the right company. However, we can succumb to vices and ill behavior if we fall into bad company.
For Stoics, choosing the right company is very important, as the interests and qualities of others can beneficially transfer to you. For example, if you hang out with musicians, there is a good chance you will become more interested in music or even decide to take up new skills as a musician. This is why certain Stoic philosophers, especially Epictetus, recommended we spend our time in the company of philosophers and those who can influence our critical thinking.
Philosophers can influence your mind in many positive ways. You can learn how to think clearly and how to remain virtuous in difficult situations. You may also be encouraged to do some independent thinking and improve your capacity for reason. Epictetus considered Socrates to be an excellent example of good company. Even though they weren’t alive at the time, it is Socrates’ legacy that was passed down to the Stoics. Socrates’ excellence of character was a beacon for those who were eager to acquire knowledge and virtue.
Who Should We Share Our Time With?
Epictetus was strict when it came to choosing the people he spent time with. According to him, our personalities can easily take the shape of a dominant behavior, which is potentially negative.
“Avoids banquets which are given by strangers and by ignorant persons. But if ever there is occasion to join in them, let your attention be carefully fixed, that you slip not into the manners of the vulgar (the uninstructed). For you must know, that if your companion be impure, he also who keeps company with him must become impure, though he should happen to be pure.”
Epictetus
We should not be led by our impressions of others; Epictetus is clear on this matter. Strangers may appear to be good company, but the fact is that we don’t truly know these people yet. As a result, one must be careful when meeting new people and choosing whom to spend time with. It may take years to find those who are good for us, but one is happy if they find at least one true friend in a lifetime. However, it is important that you don’t mistake companionship for friendship.
Spending time with others is crucial for our wellbeing, but it is important for us to choose those people correctly, because we can’t have that time back. Our lives are short and if we surround ourselves with bad company, then all that is waiting for us are temptations and vices. Instead, we should try to follow those who have a virtuous character. Epictetus, along with other Stoics, would say that following and befriending those who are better than us can be of great benefit, as our condition will most likely be improved with knowledge, virtue and experience.
We will have a chance to grow, to develop further and to rise higher, all while expanding our understanding of life. Consequently, we should avoid toxic relationships with people. If you feel down or angry after hanging out with someone, you should probably consider if it is worthwhile to prolong this relationship.
Bear in mind that your character can also become an example for another to follow. When you are mentally developed and virtuous, you can influence others to become better versions of themselves. Others will notice your behavior and may ask you for advice on how to achieve the same mentality. Ideally, that process may continue indefinitely, which highlights the importance of keeping good company.
Meditation: Choose Your Friends Wisely
This meditation will help you examine the true worth of a friendship or community to determine whether they make good or bad company. Think about your former friends and bring to mind memories of your time together.
Ask yourself: how did they affect your worldview? What did you consider important when you met them, and did that change? Do you think that change was harmful? Look those memories closely and consider whether you came out of that community as a better person. Did you learn anything or develop any new interests? Was your behavior improved?
Now, examine your current company and ask yourself the same questions. As we have discussed, it is vital to keep good company and to avoid those who are toxic or potentially harmful to your worldview. So, be sure to spend your time in the best way and with the best people. Keeping good company can not only help you improve yourself, but it can improve others around you too.
