Today we will explore a few techniques that can help you to avoid unnecessary conflicts.
This meditation will teach you how to manage your heightened emotions, which can cloud your judgement and consequently harm those around you and potentially yourself. When we are provoked, it can be very difficult to handle our emotional response, but there are ways to remain calm and in control of our reaction.
An animals’ behavior is led by basic instincts, leading them to react emotionally to their surroundings. Although humans are similarly led by our emotions during certain situations, we possess an additional trait – we can learn to control our behavior by controlling our mind. As Stoics believed, we should listen to our reason when responding to external events as much as possible. Utilising reason to control our behavior is virtuous, and to live virtuously is to live happily.
Now, how many times have you been provoked into doing something you regretted? Other people often provoke us with their statements or behavior, leading us to counter with our own argument. When no middle ground can be reached, this can intensify into a verbal fight or it can even escalate into physical violence. The possible consequences of our actions are immeasurable depending on the circumstance, but our reaction could lead to us being hospitalised or suspended; we could have our accounts cancelled or our reputation tainted, or we could ruin our own relationship with those who are close to us.
What is the Nature of Provocation?
Provocation can be described as the feeling of being forced to respond emotionally. The reasons for our provocation can be numerous and some may consider their reactions justified; however, we aren’t innocent in these situations. According to Stoics, a provocation isn’t something objectively true; it is always attached to our impressions, which dictate our behavior. As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus explained:
“Remember, it is not enough to be hit or insulted to be harmed, you must believe that you are being harmed. If someone succeeds in provoking you, you realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.”
Essentially, we must believe that we have been harmed or insulted in order to be provoked. If we are triggered by an external force, our mind is always involved in the provocation. This doesn’t absolve the provoker of their actions, but it means that we are also partly to blame in regard to our reaction and the consequences of that reaction.
It is crucial to remember that all provocations are nothing but an impression. It is our responsibility to not react to them. If we cause some form of damage after being provoked, whether physical or emotional, someone might ask us: “couldn’t you restrain yourself?” In which case they would be right, because we are responsible for our actions.
In the turmoil of our emotions, self-control may seem impossible, but it isn’t. At first it may be difficult, but you can quickly learn to control yourself if you frequently practice mindful meditation and learn the ways of Stoicism. The best way to deal with provocation is to rise above the turmoil, take a deep breath and step back. Take a moment to consider your thoughts and feelings and to let your emotions cool down. Then you can return with a mindful response that can resolve or de-escalate the situation. The victory will belong to you and your wellbeing will be preserved.
Short Meditation – Take a Deep Breath
To begin your journey to mindfulness and calmness in the face of provocation, we have the following exercise. Imagine a situation where you are insulted or provoked. Now, imagine your instinctive reaction and consider the possible consequences. More than likely, your response will cause some type of collateral damage that is inflicted on others and/or yourself. It’s unlikely you feel like a winner after this confrontation and you would quickly feel dissatisfied with the outcomes. After the initial provocation, your response will lead to internal feelings of anger or sadness.
Now, imagine the same situation, but this time you take physical or psychological measures to avoid further confrontation. For beginners, we recommend trying physical measures before psychological ones. Physical measures can take many forms, such as:
- Taking a deep breath
- Counting to ten
- Ignoring the provocation or changing the subject
- Going for a walk outside
- Washing your face with cold water
On the other hand, psychological measures may include:
- Practicing self-reflection – recognize your emotions and try to cool down
- Considering the potential consequences of your desired reaction
Practicing these steps will enable your mind to react to numerous situations with virtuosity, dignity and integrity. It is up to you to meditate on these steps in order to fortify your mindset. Meditating on possible provocations and outcomes can also help you prepare for future events when they arise. Implementing these steps into your life will build up your reason, and in turn strengthen your mind and character.
