In this article we will focus on renouncing things we can’t control. We will first look at the difference between control and influence, and how this knowledge can help you.
People often waste their time and mental energy on things that are unbeatable. Desperately trying to make things go your way can drain you, leaving you tired and unmotivated to pursue the things you want to do. This lack of motivation can lead to procrastination and general apathy of the mind and will.
To overcome this endless battle, we need to reflect on ourselves to learn what our capabilities and limits are. Therefore, self-recognition is the key to success for all our actions. We will dive into the problem of control and reveal the situations where the renunciation of certain actions is necessary.
Control or be Controlled – Meditating on Renunciation
Stoics divided all things into two capital groups: things we can control and things we can’t control. The confusion of these two aspects is what gives birth to suffering. It is a common opinion that we can “control” certain events in the outside world. To control something means to dictate how that thing will unfold. For example, you think you can control the growth of a plant by watering it.
Sorry to disappoint you, but that reasoning is all wrong. That example doesn’t showcase control, it shows influence. We are not controlling the plant; we are influencing its growth. It is in the biological nature of the plant to grow if water is present. We can’t control the growth of a living thing; we can only influence its growth by watering it. This is the main reason why people are tricked into thinking they can control external things. It is important to remember that where outside events are concerned, all we can do is influence them.
So, what are the things we can control? The answer is our own mind and will. You can control how you think and react to certain things. When you feel anger, you can recognize that feeling and you can do your best to calm yourself.
Your thoughts are your own, and your actions are the expression of your thoughts. Therefore, you are free to think about things and do things. Those actions are in our control. We also have control over values, which are our beliefs and opinions about external things. Our values are how we consider certain things to be good or bad, such as money, food, power, fame, death, sickness, other people, etc.
For example, you may think that money is bad and it can corrupt people in power. On the other hand, you may think that money is good because it makes people happy. However, money itself is not good or bad; we are the ones who value it as good or bad.
The more we pay attention to external things, the less focused we are on ourselves and on virtue. Essentially, the more you try to control external events, the less control you have. That is why it is so important to understand what is and is not in our control, and to renounce those things that aren’t in our control.
“The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have”
Marcus Aurelius
You can live your life controlled by external things and your impressions of them, or you can turn to yourself and learn to control your responses to outside events. The path to true happiness is to embrace one’s self, because your self is the one constant thing you have. To be happy, you must also renounce the “illusion of control” we have over things that are external to our thoughts and will.
Meditation on Control
This meditation is a quick guide that can help you to recognize whether something is controllable or only influenceable. Control always applies to your own thoughts and will, which means you can change your values regarding the outside objects just by thinking about them differently. If you value money, ask yourself where does this value come from?
When asking this question, you should remember that values are dependent on your mind. In other words, you are the one who controls those values. If values aren’t independently controlled, then money would be considered universally good or bad by everyone. We must improve our self-knowledge and renounce our determination to control things that are out of our control.
