The answer to this question relies on the most important principle of Stoicism: There is a just law that rules the Universe. According to stoics, this law controls outer events, by allowing or impeding events from happening.
If something does happen, like a divorce, it does so with the approval of this just law. You might question, how just is this law? Especially if you know someone that didn’t DESERVE the divorce, or the way it happened.
Stoics don’t really talk about what one deserves. Events happen with a purpose intrinsic to them. It’s not about punishment or award.
First of all, you don’t have control over your spouse. The only thing you can do is be the best companion you think is right. It doesn’t mean your spouse is going to do the same for the relationship.
Regardless, you must do your best, because if the divorce happens the last thing you want to do is look back and realize you could have gone an extra mile to guarantee the everlasting story.
Sadness or anger?
A divorce is usually a sudden break up. People might say they saw it coming, but most of them never really take the time to think about how they would deal with it. So, they’re caught by surprise. When it does happen, it is usually accompanied by a feeling of sadness. This is because someone you love is not going to be such an intimate part of your life anymore.
The other feeling that may rise is anger. This one is usually related to the motive behind the decision, but still just the surprise of the event may be enough to trigger the emotions within you.
I think the best way to prepare yourself for a breakup is to use the stoic exercise of negative visualization. Right now, close your eyes and picture your beloved one telling you that it’s over. Allow your consciousness to experience the feeling. If you practice this over and over again, you may even feel the tears rolling down your cheeks.
Normally, this exercise is not going to compromise your relationship, it will make it better. You may realize you’ve been bossy, off putting, or unappreciative of things that matter. This will grant you the ability to correct your path. Because as you imagine the breakup, you may unconsciously imagine the reasons that may have led to it.
What’s next?
For me, the best part of an end is the opportunity of a new beginning. After we pass through the natural grief, we shall never submit to it again. Recover yourself, dust yourself off and lift your chin up. It’s time to get back to the things you can control.
After this, you can begin to take the time to improve yourself. To invest in yourself. So prepare for the new, and don’t forget that the Law will do its part.
The stoic process
Have you noticed what happened in this article? We started talking about a sudden negative event that destabilizes and hurts us. Then we discussed how we can deal with our emotions. And finally discussed how to move forward. That’s stoicism. That’s the simplicity of living a good life.
