In this article we will learn how Stoics thought of their enemies and how we should behave towards our own. However, it is questionable whether Stoics had true enemies at all.
Relationships between people are complicated and are rarely one-sided. Generally speaking from a subjective perspective, there are three kinds of people: those who are good to us, those who are bad, and those who are neither (because we don’t know them yet).
Through life we form complex bonds with others and these ties are not colored in black and white. Our former friends can become our enemies, and our enemies can become our friends. It is all about how we treat and nurture our relationships with others. Of course, it is hard to deal with people we consider to be enemies, especially if they have personally wronged us. However, such relationships are toxic and harmful for our wellbeing.
As a result, we should do our best to not create enemies. To achieve this, it all depends on our thoughts. If you don’t view someone as a threat or as our enemy, then you will be free from such troublesome thoughts. So, be careful about how you think of others, because it can affect your perspective and judgement into thinking of someone in a false light.
What to do With Your Enemies
There are several ways to deal with someone you perceive to be an enemy. You can accept the state of this relationship and retaliate with the same hate, you can ignore your enemy, or you can forgive them. The Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius would advise us to resist the first option of hate, since we are all the same and should avoid alienating our own kind. Furthermore, we are all reasonable beings, and doing damage to your brethren can affect you more than your opposition. Therefore, the best way to deal with an enemy is not to become like them.
“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.”
Marcus Aurelius
Of course we would never admit, to ourselves or to anyone else, that we are like our enemies. That would hurt our pride and undo the logic behind our hate. However, in the above quote, Marcus Aurelius is referring to our mental condition and how we ultimately end up thinking and behaving like our enemy. As a result, we must avoid lowering ourselves to their level to avoid becoming like them.
This is the classic Stoic argument on how relationships with other people can subconsciously influence us into changing, either for better or worse. In this case, we will often build a grotesque picture of our enemies to justify our own grotesque actions against them. But those are only impressions that cloud our thought and judgement. Behind all the bad qualities we ascribe to our enemy lies another human, not much different from you. The best course of action is to abolish the false images you have built to justify your actions and to focus more on the person you want to be.
“You don’t have to turn this into something. It doesn’t have to upset you.”
Marcus Aurelius
When closely examined, our impressions are responsible for our mental condition. Impressions influence our thinking and as a result our behavior is also impacted. To better deal with people who we consider enemies, we need to cleanse our mind of any harmful impressions.
“Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought, for the human mind is colored by such impressions.”
Marcus Aurelius
All we need to do is ask ourselves why do we consider someone an enemy? By realising the answer to this question, we can purify our state of mind and learn to think of our enemy as a human being who is influenced by misfortune or their own negative mindset. Once we achieve an objective perspective, we will be able to forgive our enemies. This is best achieved by pitying them for their suffering, because they evidently can’t tell the difference between good and evil. Therefore, it is our duty to not respond with equal force, to forgive them and to present ourselves as an example of virtuous behavior.
“They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own – not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me.”
Marcus Aurelius
Meditation: Wishing Well on our Enemies
Don’t fight against another human being; instead, learn to improve your own condition. You can start by examining your impressions and taking an objective perspective. As long as you are feeding those negative thoughts, you will never be free of their influence. Therefore, fight back against your own thoughts in order to cleanse your mind. Once we learn to wish well on our enemies, our impression of the word “enemy” will fade into oblivion.
You can achieve this by thinking of your enemy as someone who is suffering because they are so lost in their own confusing impressions. Through this mindset, the idea of an enemy will perish from your mind and all you will see is a person desperately struggling to justify their actions.
Furthermore, if you chose to lead by example, there is a chance your old enemy will also see the path of virtue. It is our duty to help each other, especially those in need who are crying for help, even if they themselves don’t realise it. It is up to you to drop your pride and to extend a hand of forgiveness.
