Gossip is an unconstrained conversation about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. I like to call them the “whispers on the dark”.
Gossip is part of our everyday lives, it has the ability to influence our opinions, emotional states, and world-view. And sometimes the impact of gossip can seriously hurt someone’s career, dignity, name and reputation.
Gossip can create and destroy worlds when exposed. However, people often fail to observe its destructive potential. Though it’s common to say things like “it’s only gossip”. In truth, we generally underestimate the damage it can cause.
This situation is different for an educated mind like the one a stoic possesses. This is why Stoicism’s tenets can be used as a shield to deflect the damage which gossip can create.
To do this you should learn to divide things that are in your control, and those things which are not. When you accept the fact that your mind is the only thing in your control, you’ll become aware that gossip is outside of your control.
“The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” – Marcus Aurelius
Your mind is your own, but often one can lose oneself in the crowds. This is why Marcus Aurelius, Emperor of Rome said the quote below:
“The object of life is not to be on the side of the Majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.” – Marcus Aurelius
Gossip is harmful to those who are unsure of themselves. This is especially true when their reputation is threatened by others. However, if one tries to stand against gossip, one may risk looking like a clown trying to urge a crowd to stop laughing. Therefore a better solution would be::
“To live a good life: We have the potential for it. If we learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference”. – Marcus Aurelius
The power of indifference is the power of the resolute mind which discards those things that hold no value at all. Indifference can guide us through life, saving our energy for our own interests and goals. I would like to mention a quote for Winston Churchill which gets to the center of the previous sentiment:
“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks”. – Winston Churchill
External things are not necessarily good or bad when viewed objectively, because we’re the ones who ascribe value to them. The truth is that the only good thing you can rely on is your mind. And this is because your perception, will and reason lie within it.
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength”. – Marcus Aurelius
It was probably inevitable for an Emperor to encounter gossip. Many other rulers would sentence those who participate in the act to death. However, this is not how Marcus addressed the problem. His mind pierced to the heart of the problem, there he remained indifferent. And eventually he realized how much more powerful it would be to focus that energy on improving his own life.
Being upset by gossip is a characteristic of a confused and lost mind which secretly seeks external approval. The wise remain indifferent to gossip, as it lies outside of their control.
Epictetus, on the other hand, had a different approach. Yet still truly similar.
“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, “He is ignorant of my other faults else he would not have mentioned these alone”. – Epictetus
In this quote, Epictetus encourages you to think of yourself as the only one who’s in control of your mind. We bear many flaws, we’re flawed creatures. This is why Epictetus chooses this route instead of justifying himself to others. This kind of conduct is liberating because it arises from the freedom of the mind, and requires no external approval.
He also encourages the reader to be a strong guardian to the doors of perception, as gossip can have a negative impact when not examined well.
“Be discriminating about what images and ideas you permit into your mind”. – Epictetus
Finally, I would like to emphasize the founder of the Stoic school, who is often overlooked, mainly because we don’t have much written evidence of his work. Zeno of Citium, a prominent figure of stoic thought, had his own thoughts on gossip and those who use their tongue more than their minds.
He states:
The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less. –Zeno of Citium
Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue. – Zeno of Citium
Zeno’s attitude is also turned towards those who are the source of gossip. Because people who spend more time speaking often don’t spend enough time thinking.
