Dealing with past events can be troublesome and draining. It is quite reasonable to think that every person has his own regrets in life. As humans, we lament over the things we did, and those things we wish we had done.
We’re not consumed by regrets all the time, but still regret can burden our minds from time to time. This regret can disable us in our everyday lives and can delay our decision making. In this article, I will address how one is best to view regret from the stoic point of view.
It’s worth mentioning that stoic philosophy emphasizes that the real and actual life is contained in the shortness of the present moment – In the Now.
Additionally, the future and past are not within our control. Following the dichotomy of control, the wise man differentiates between what he can control and what lies beyond his control. Still, the past and future are inseparably connected with our thinking and emotions at the given moment.
In short, thinking in the present, can evoke memories of past events and which are heavily tainted with emotions. In order to deal with regret, one should make a stand and separate the actual present and past.
Letting the past influence the present, according to Seneca, is to dwell in imagination. We should be reminded that past events don’t actually exist.
Moreover, it is often the case that we overreact and exaggerate the events in the past, because our perceptual powers are influenced by strong emotions. In this scenario we are dealing partly with something imaginary. To quote Seneca:
“We suffer more in the imagination than in reality.” – Seneca
What should we do with the past in which our regrets dwell? Should we try to forget it, even if it is uncontrollable, and potentially harmful? The next Seneca quote deals well this issue:
“Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future” – Seneca
Many can misinterpret the nature of the present, past and future in stoic philosophy. Stoics urge us to focus on the present moment, not to neglect the past or future. However, it is harmful to focus on those things which dwell in the past, or will possibly dwell in the future.
“Every man’s life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain.” – Marcus Aurelius
Therefore, one should be able to stay indifferent to the past or the future, instead of denouncing it. Denouncing the past is the same as running away from it. To stay indifferent towards the past means that you have come to terms with it. You can’t change it, but you can choose now to not be bothered by it. After you’ve reached this state of mind, you’ll attain your freedom.
Past regrets often stem from thoughts in which we imagine a situation in which we would have avoided, if we had acted differently. Following this path, a person can never be satisfied, because there are no possible ways to change the past. However, if you are content in the present, you can influence the future without regret.
“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” – Epictetus
